Spice World: 3 Weddings and a Baby

2010 is sure to be The Year of the Spice. In our little circle of friends, we've got a lot to look forward to in the coming year! 3 weddings and a baby. None of which directly involve me, but I'm excited to share these special moments with the women who hold my heart.

I am lucky enough to be a Maid of Honor and Bridesmaid to three of these ladies, all in a 4 month timespan! (Little married up a year and a half ago before everyone else to be sure the spotlight was on her! I was blessed to be her Maid of Honor and I'm happy to say all went off without a hitch!) ;)

Best Friend is getting married in April in Boca Raton. She has chosen an eggplant colored dress for us which I absolutely love! It's a dress sure to be worn again.


LDub will be hitched in June in Orlando. The color dress that she chose for us is hot pink; my favorite color! I can't wait to be pretty in pink to see her on her big day! (This is the dress but it will be in pink and a different fabric)


And finally to top them off, Roomie will be tying the knot in July in New York City! It will be a fabulous wedding in the City and our dresses are a gorgeous cobalt blue.


I can't wait to see these blushing brides on their big days and share in their special moments!

But before these special moments, we'll be having a little baby entering our Spice World! Little is preggers and is due in February. I can't wait to meet her bundle of joy and spoil it for all of my days! [I only say 'it' because she's keeping tight-lipped on the sex!]

Ready, Set, Don't go

Once upon a time two girls joined a sorority to have their lives forever changed. They didn't interact much until one day the enchanted kingdom gave them a castle to live in (well 28 girls moved in a dorm style sorority house, same diff). The two girls lived two doors down from each other and became instantly inseperable.

Over the past four years, ICE and I have become amazing friends; growing up together even more after college. We relate on a level that perfectly compliments our bitter, bitchy sides with a mix of girliness and love. Our favorite past time is drinking Natty Light and smoking cigarettes while talking shit about those deserving of shit being talked about them.

For the past couple of years, ICE has talked about getting out of this city that she's called home for 24 years. Everytime she mentioned it I selfishly wished that her own wish wouldn't come true and she'd be by my side forever and ever. The closer the time came to her boyfriend graduating from college meant the closer the time came from her moving away with him or her going to grad school, wherever that might be.

Would it be so bad to hope that you didn't get into any grad schools and your boyfriend didn't graduate college and you stay at the same shit job so we can never part?

Well the time came on Sunday for us to say our goodbyes. They were packing up to move to Chicago on Monday. Stupid Chicago.

I tried to be the hard ass that we both pretend to be at times but when in the end there I was sobbing over the the beers, cigarettes, pool time, shit talking, back-to-reality checks, "come to Jesus" talks and friendship that I'll miss so much. Of course there is the phone, texts, emails and letters we'll send but it's tough not to be a five minute car ride away anymore.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
As you already know.
You'll get mixed up
With many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step,
Step with care and great tact
And remember that life's
A great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you'll move mountains!

So...
Be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
Or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off to great places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So...get on your way!

Miss you boo.

How my work Christmas party ended up with me throwing up in my bathtub: an anecdote

Last Thursday was my work holiday party. A week beforehand, I decided to take that Friday off as well so that I could be sure to finish my projects and homework that are wrapping up my first semester of teacher school (yay, me!).

Taking Friday off? Best. Decision. Ever.

The reason behind this is two-fold:
1. I was entirely too hungover to even function to come to work Friday.
2. I needed to work off a bit of shame from the night before.

Our party was at one of my boss' homes. A gorgeous house; very fancy. OOMA was my date (shocking, I know!) and I told him I wanted to get there in plenty of time to enjoy the open bar. The open bar was lasting all night. The party started at 7:00 p.m., but we got lost and the directions on both of our phones weren't working so we ended up there about 7:30; dinner was at 8:00.

When we arrived, I think OOMA was a bit nervous and I was just stressed out from life in general so we headed straight for the bar. I had 3 glasse of white wine in the 30 minutes before dinner. Not a smart move.

At dinner it all hit me at once, yet I told our waiter to be sure my glass was full at all times. Apparently I was 'hilarious' at dinner, according to OOMA. I pulled out my iPhone to play 'NSync's "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" because I was bored with the Josh Grobin Christmas CD playing in the background. I told my co-workers that I'm girlier than them and specifically apparently told one that she wasn't very girly at all. I'm sure there was MUCH, MUCH more that I'm missing out on.

After dinner and gift exchanges (who got what? I haven't a clue), we all gathered into another room where I had a conversation with one of my gay bosses (you know I love the gays so of course I work for TWO) where I think I remember mentioning something about my gay boyfriends, but I have no idea if I really did or not. I think I may have also shared that I'm going back to school. Neither of those topics would be amusing to him so I sure hope I didn't go there.

While there were just four of us left as guests and our hosts (other gay boss.. love) remaining, I apparently (and this is confirmed by a co-worker) told my boss that "all the gays are invited to my wedding." According to her story, he ran away. He must not have been too upset with me though because, according to another story, when I was walking out, we were hugging and almost fell into a fountain in front of his house. Now that would make for some nice employee bonding.

Somehow OOMA and I got home safely (thank you Jesus). I passed out on the couch while he had a party with himself in my kitchen. Somewhere in the night I moved to my bed and when I got up in the morning I walked into my living room to find what looked like we'd had all our friends over. I have no idea how one small apartment became so messy in the matter of a few hours.

So I layed in bed, stomach in pain- wondering what happend the night before, wondering if I'd have a job on Monday, wondering who I offended, wondering how we made it home safely. I decied a shower was necessary to try to feel a bit better. As I get ready to shower, I felt it coming... and there it was. In my bathtub. The evidence of the night before. Gross, I know. I cleaned it.

I was terrified to come into work Monday after the stories I'd heard from my behavior Thursday. I didn't do anything completely out of line, I was just loud, which everyone is used to. But I had no idea what my side conversations consisted of, and I had possibly offended one of my bosses in regards to his personal life.

Luckily, I still have a job. And luckily, I have learned to stay SOBER at all future work functions.

Hole in none

I'm taking out my anger for Tiger Woods on those around me today, not intentionally but it happens. Really Tiger, really? You couldn't keep it in your pants long enough until you go home to your beautiful wife and two children?

I know we don't know celebrities and what their real character is, but he seemed like a legit family man.

I don't know how much I believe that there are any of those left. I'll stick to planning my future with my gays.

A good line to live by

"Not because we may not grow old together, but because we may not grow old at all."

Do things that make you happy

So there is a woman that lives across the street from my parents in her 60s. She's lived there since I was probably 10-years-old and has become a good family friend. She's hilarious, blunt and extremely thoughtful. She'll come over to my parents house at least once a week to have their ritual of drinking Baileys and sharing stories about gossip in the neighborhood and family happenings. I love when she comes over when I'm home visiting because I know it will be a few good hours of stories and laughs. My favorite was last Christmas Eve when she came over and told us about how she drove past Casey Anthony's parents home and all that she saw (she was obsessed with the case, much like me!).

She's got 3 daughters, 4 grandchildren and she's divorced. She's really my parents' only friend - they don't get out much.

She's had a lot of health problems over the past few years and after many, many, many tests, doctors have continued to tell her that it's just her emphysema and something she has to live with.

Last week she went to the hospital for a scan on her daughter's request because she had been very short of breath. They found a fist-sized tumor in her lung, under her heart. After further scans they found it was wrapped around areas of her heart, in her bones and all throughout her body. They've given her two to four months if the chemo doesn't shrink it. Nine to 12 if it does shrink.

A complete shock. I'm in disbelief how this is just now being seen, and that they are potentially only giving her two months to live. I can't imagine having to know that this would be my last Thanksgiving or Christmas, or know it's my mom or dad's last and still go on celebrating. It will be heartbreaking for me to see her this Christmas and have to know that it could be the last time I see her at all.

When my mom updated me yesterday on the prognosis, I decided to put up my Christmas tree. I was going to wait until next weekend because it's 'not time' to put it up yet since it's before Thanksgiving. But who cares, I wanted it up. It makes me happy. If someone told me I had two months to live, I would regret having had waited a week longer to not be able to enjoy my Christmas tree for the last time.

Push the limit. Are you with it? Baby, don't be afraid.

I didn't watch last season of American Idol, except for a few episodes. The few times I saw Adam Lambert perform I wanted to cut my ears off. He needs to be on Broadway performing, not in concert.

So last night the American Music Awards were on. I kept hearing all this hype about Adam Lambert's big performance coming up and they saved it for the finale of the show. I wondered how it'd be so great because he's just some American Idol alum. Aren't they always safe?

Ummm. . . COR-RECT-SHUN. Apparently not all American Idol alum are safe. Apparently some really do have a wild side and know how to step outside of the box. And apparently it's the fagulous ones.

GLAMbert shocked me. He wowed me. He enticed me. I still think his singing is horrible, but his performance was awesome. I absolutely love when it's not only about the singing, but it's also about the performance. Whether it's to prove a point or to shock people or to show you what the true meaning of the song is, I think it shows how much a singer cares about what they are doing when there is an actual SHOW being put on.

I thought it was hilarious and amazing at the same time that on NATIONAL TELEVISION Adam Lambert did the things he did. Yes, it was not family friendly, but ABC should have previewed it first to be sure there wouldn't be a problem.

I love performances that are over-the-top, shocking and exciting. That's the whole point of the entertainment industry, right? I agree it was daring and vulgar, but I also think it was brilliant.

Sunday boots

So yesterday I met my Pearl girl at the mall, with absolutely no intent to actually shop. But as we were on our way out of the mall, we walked past Buckle. Right in the entrance of the store was a display of boots and my eyes fixed onto one pair. I never planned on owning boots, I don't see the real point of having them in Florida. Heels are more of my thing anyway. But these boots were glorious. They were tan suede ankle boots with a knot tie on the side. The salesman spotted me from across the store and ran over to tell me how fabulous I would look in these boots (well, duh). He was also gay which made the whole experience even better.

$59.99. Seriously? Okay, I'll just try them on. . . Miraculously the display was my size - that NEVER happens. It was like it was completely meant to be.

They were fantastic. Then, salesman informs me that they convert into actual boots, you untie the knot, they roll up and then tie on the side at the top as well. WHAAAT. That's like 2 pairs of shoes in one. For $60. Just please stop.

I gave in. I didn't mean to, it just happend so quickly. But we'll be very happy together, me and my boots.


I assure you they are much cuter in person, especially the knot.

You know me so well

An old colleague of mine, somewhat of a life mentor rather than a work mentor these days, sent me this and I must say she knows me oh-so-well.

There's an app for that

So I did it. I gave in. I got.. dun dun dun.. the iPhone.

It was a tough choice between that and the Blackberry and for budgeting purposes I chose the iPhone. I was using a Blackberry for a couple of months because my other phone broke and ICE so graciously offered me her old BB to borrow. It was great. I miss the Blackberry Messaging. But I must say, I don't know how I lived without an iPhone before.

That's a ridiculous thought, but it really is the have all/be all of phones. Other than my glitches with picture texting - Roomie and I are having picture texting seperation anxiety. Everyday we'd find something new to picture text to each other and now I'm lost without her constant photos of new outfits, her kitty, and more.

Other than that though, I do love my iPhone! It's such a fun little toy.

GA GA OOH LA LA!

I can't get Lady GaGa's new song 'Bad Romance' out of my head. She's an absolute genious. After about a year of trying to dislike her, I finally gave in to the GaGa. She's amazing. So talented, so creative.

I used to absolutely hate her obvious antics at attention-seeking. Now I love them. I find them endearing.


Her hair bows. Her tea cups. Her bubble costumes. Her over-the-top outfits.

I just LOVE her! And she's such a gay icon which makes her even more fagulous!

Roomie is going to be GaGaLoo for Halloween and I can't wait to see pictures!

Book Club

The Last Song didn't do it for me. It will probably be the last Nicholas Sparks book I ever read.

Our next book is She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb. This book was recommended to me by a co-worker and it was one of Oprah's Book Club books, so I'm looking forward to reading it.

The past couple of books we have read have been sappy, so I'm looking forward to a someone of a darker book. I can't do ghosts, or rapes or anything like that. But this book is about a woman overcoming a very tough life and all that she's been through.

I also got it for $4 on Amazon.com. Used books online are a great way to save money.

Take a Break

Dear Taylor Swift,

There is something called overexposure. You've surpassed it.


Sincerely,

A fan who's quite sick of you


o⋅ver⋅ex⋅po⋅sure  [noun] -
1. excessive exposure, esp. of photographic film or a sensitized plate to light rays.
2. the condition of having been seen, heard, or advertised so frequently or for so long that freshness or appeal is diminished.
3. Taylor Swift.

Is That a Rainbow in the Sky?

My boys are back in town!! Two of my favorite girlfriends will be back in town this weekend. Lovah and KiKi will be gracing the town with their presence. Lovah for a full week, which means I'll be sleep deprived and full of alcohol. KiKi for the weekend which means a FABULOUS time at Happy Hour this Friday! Note to self: Plan outfit accordingly.

Oh, a girl and her gays. Watch out world.

"Hello Lover. . ."

I tried, and failed, to find it on YouTube. There's an episode of Sex and the City that Carrie is walking past a store front window and spots a pair of shoes and says it. "Hello Lover. . ." That phrase runs through my mind when I spot a pair of shoes that I just have to have. There are two right now that are on the TOP of my Christmas list. (They'd be in the top of my closet if I weren't so broke.)

One pair is a Jessica Simpson peep-toe pump, 5 inch heels (hate the bitch, love her shoes). I would be happy with either the beige OR the gorgeous blue that they come in.


The other pair that I just die for are a pair of Steve Madden suede, open-toe ankle boots that knot in the back.

I can't wait for my feet to jump into these beauties!

Love Each Other Deeply

"Therefore be clear minded and self‑controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." -Peter 4:7-11

This was Megan's favorite Bible verse. It was the way she lived her life. Today, of all days, I hope everyone around me knows how much I love and cherish every piece of them.

At Home Hair Dye = A Messy Success

So for about the last year I've been letting my roots go QUITE a bit before I get them touched up. Budget is the main reason. Luckily, my hairdresser does a great job for a great price: cut & color for $80. However, $80 + tip hits the wallet hard these days. Roomie let me in on her secret that she dyes her hair at home quite a bit. The more I thought about it, I was willing to try it out.

Background on my hair:
I have EXTREMELY curly, frizzy hair. I started straightening/flat-ironing it after I graduated college a few years ago. After about a year of doing that, I ruined it. It's a hot mess most of the time with major heat damage. I also started dying it (professionally) a really dark brown, which then turned into black for about a year. I've finally talked my hairdresser into toning down the black and getting it back to a dark brown so we've slowly been working on that. Needless to say, it's damaged from coloring, too.

Anyway, I figured since it's so dark it'd be hard to mess up with at-home-dye.

Garnier Nutrisse was on sale for $5.99 at Target this weekend so I picked up a box. Last night I didn't have anything to do so I figured it was a good time to try it out. I was TERRIFIED! I put down a few old towels, and put on an old t-shirt and boxers. I mixed my solution and soaked my hair in the dye, which got EVERYWHERE. My clothes were ruined, my counter is now stained with dye, and my skin still has dark brown droplet that no amount of scrubbing can take off.

When I got in the shower to rinse, it looked like a muddy mess all over my shower walls and liner. I thought there was no way that I did this right! But, for right now it seems to look pretty good!

I'm still wearing it curly for a few days so I can't tell exactly what it looks like, but I think it worked out well! I'm hoping this is a good budget fix for my hair. This is the color I got: Soft Mahoganey Dark Brown (Rasberry Truffle).

My Old Friend

I don't know that many people my age who have truly experienced the worst day of their life. Sure- cars break down, tests are failed, the alarm clock doesn't go off and we're late for work, etc... Those are bad days. Those are crappy things that happen that don't affect us a year from that moment, 5 years from that moment, or the rest of our lives. I know a few people who have definitely experienced the worst day they will probably ever have. They've recieved life shattering news that you know will never again make them the same person. But not many.

The worst day of my life happend 5 years ago tomorrow. October 19, 2004. I was 20-years-old and absolutely not prepared for it. I had just gotten back to my college apartment after taking a test. A friend called to compare notes on how we both did. I had another call, my caller ID showed 'Home.' I immediately felt like something was wrong before I clicked over. It was strange- they say you can sense this stuff, and I guess I did. My mom sounded upset while she asked me how my test went. My first reaction was to ask her what was wrong, knowing it was bad. I could hear it in her voice. I figured it was probably my Grandma, that she'd passed away. I started crying, still not knowing what was wrong but, again, knowing it was going to be very bad news. "WHAT! WHAT!" I yelled at her to tell me. She started sobbing, "Megan died in a car accident today."

My world caved in. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. The only thing I could say was "Oh my God" over and over and over.

Megan was my cousin. To a lot of people that might not mean much. Most of my friends aren't very close to their extended family the way mine is. My cousins are like brothers and sisters to me. My aunts and uncles are like second parents. All of the cousins in my family are just a few years different in age so we've grown up being extremely close. But I was closest to Megan. We were just a year apart in age and when we'd get together as a family it was Megan and Ashley attached at the hip. We'd spend hours together hidden away from everyone else, while they all wondered what we were laughing so hard about behind closed doors. She was my favorite.

I always knew she was extra special. I was always kind of jealous of her. She was the Homecoming Queen. She loved Jesus above anything. She had natural bleach blonde hair, could get a gorgeous tan by just standing in the sun for 5 minutes, perfectly white teeth, beautiful smile, athletic, fit, hilarious, and more. Her friends called her Sunshine and she definitely was the light in any room.

It never made sense to me and it never will. This wasn't like a grandparent dying. That's supposed to happen. That is expected. A 19-year-old with an full life ahead of her isn't supposed to be gone in an instant. My family has forever changed and I've forever changed. Even 5 years later, when we all get together in our large family, something is missing and it will never feel the same. I cried every single night for probably close to a year. I wanted to hide forever until my time came to go and see her again. Life didn't make sense to me anymore and I didn't understand how the world just kept moving without her.

October 23, this Friday, would have been her 24th birthday. Last week my aunt, Megan's mom, sent our family an email just asking us to remember her. She probably doesn't realize that I've thought about Megan every single day for the past 5 years. She said she still doesn't understand why on October 19 the sun still rises and the stores and banks still open up. I'd have to agree.

My old friend, I recall
The times we had that are hanging on my wall
I wouldn't trade them for gold
Cause they laugh and they cry me and
Somehow sanctify me
And they're woven in the stories I have told
And tell again

My old friend, I apologize
For the years that have passed since the
Last time you and I
Dusted off those memories
But the runnin' and the races and the
People and the places
There was always somewhere else I had to be
And time gets thin my old friend

Don't know why, don't know why
Don't know why, don't know why

My old friend this song's for you
Cause a few simple verses was the least that I could do
To tell the world that you were here
'Cause the love and the laughter will live on long after
All of the sadness and the tears
We'll meet again my old friend

Goodbye, Goodbye

--Tim McGraw

Back to School!

November 4 is the big day! My first day 'of the rest of my life...' you might say. I start classes for the teaching program I am starting and I am so thrilled! I haven't looked forward to something this much in a really, really long time. Although it will be almost another year of the usual rut, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!



I can't help but wonder what sort of life changes this will lead me to. Location. People. Etc... Or it may just be a career change with no personal-life change. Which is fine, too. For now.

And for Our Next Selection...

We've chosen The Last Song for our next book club pick. I've never read anything by Nicholas Sparks so I'm looking forward to it. However, last night I did read the first 3 chapters and felt like it was written by a 15-year-old girl. But maybe it will change.

I like Miley Cyrus (yes she's 8 years younger than me) so I'm looking forward to seeing the movie when it comes out and comparing it to the book.

Apparently it is about "the many ways that love can break our hearts...and heal them," per Amazon.com. Barf.

Breast Cancer Awareness

It's October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

Think pink! Check your ta-tas! Save second base!

Breast cancer awareness and research is my sorority's philanthropy and I couldn't be more proud to be a part of something as wonderful as this national cause for women.

Back to School, Back to School. . .

So after 3 and a half years of wondering 'what if' and 'where do I go from here,' I think I've finally figured it all out. The corporate, business-y world is not for me. And I've known that since probably the day I was born. I'm not really sure what I was thinking when I decided to get into my career field. "Event planning and entertaining, oh my!" Yeah, right.

Ever since I can remember I have said I wanted to be a teacher. When I was younger I was playing school with all of my dolls. I'd pretend to grade papers. I'd read to my stuffed toy classroom. I'd make my mom buy me stamps and stickers for the pretend papers I graded. (I probably had the best educated stuffed animals around!)

But when I got to college I was afraid of taking extra science and math classes that I knew I wouldn't be good at. I was afraid to take a few more standardized tests that I was afraid I wouldn't pass. And I dove into something easy, that I never had to study for and was able to just get by with. It wasn't until my last semester of college that I realized how much I absolutely hated my classes and the work I was doing and that was probably a good indication of how my big girl job would go.

I've regretted for years not following my heart in the first place. So, with much soul-searching, conversations with my mom and friends, and background research, I think I'm finally ready to do what's been nagging at me for so long. I'll be going home this weekend to talk to my dad about funding for my big plans (thank goodness for parents) and hopefully going back to school to do a 6-8 month program to become an elementary school teacher! It will be LOTS of hard work to be taking night and weekend classes on top of my regular full-time job, and between 3 weddings, bridal and baby showers, but I know it will be well worth it. I just feel like it's finally time to start doing what I WANT to do, rather than just getting by.

So, keep your fingers crossed for me that Daddy says *yes*...

Book Club

Last month we read The Next Thing on My List by Jill Smolinski. It was a great, mindless book that can definitely lift your spirits. It started out a bit slow, but about Chapter 10 it really picked up and finished very well. I'd recommend it to someone just looking for a quick read.

We had to postpone book club last week since Best Friend was sick, so we couldn't discuss. Tomorrow we'll be discussing and having girl talk, and I can't wait!

Christian Siriano for Payless

Let me state for the record, I am NOT a Payless kind of girl. Not that I don't adore a great bargain - I've just never found anything there worth wearing. It looks like what it's priced at. However, I've just been checking out the new Christian Siriano shoes online at Payless. I should also add that I absolutely adore Christian Siriano.

Now, I can't get too excited about these shoes because things always look better in pictures online before you get the store and actually see them in person. But there is where pair that I'd LOVE to try on! And another really cute pair of flats!

Check them out for yourself: http://www.payless.com/store/catalog/brandlisting.jsp?trail=1014%3A600002&catId=cat10376&brandId=600002

"I love two things- bulldogs and gay men."

This quote basically sums up my Labor Day. Another amazing day by the pool with Best Friend and beer and laughs with our friends. There is the cutest/fattest bulldog at Best Friend's complex and I made friends with the owners so yesterday they brought their little bundle of joy down to the pool so that I could play with her. Little shmookiewookiecutiepie. Unfortch, I'm extremely allergic to bulldogs I've realized. As soon as I let her all up in my face - why wouldn't I - I got all itchy and sniffly. It may be worth it to live like that forever to have a cute little muffin like that around though!

Anyway, so apparently last time when I made friends with the owners (I'd been drinking way too much at the time) I told them that there were two things I loved in the world and it was bulldogs and gay men. And that is the fierce truth!

Book club

So Best Friend started a book club a few months ago and it's turned out to be something I really look forward to each month! We've read three books now (well, I've only read two, oops) and our next one sounds like it'll be a fun read. The last two books we read were Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah and The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger.

Firefly Lane was an amazing book. Any female would love it. It is a great representation of friendships, mother/daughter relationships and just growing up. I'd recommend that book to anyone. It's quite long, and I get very intimidated with long books, but it was hard to put down and the length wasn't a problem for me.

The Time Traveler's Wife was very different. We read it so that we could then see the movie and discuss. It's not something I'd recommend to many people. It's confusing because it jumps back and forth through time and characters, and hard to find an attachment to the characters. As for the movie, I wasn't a huge fan; I think mostly because I read the book. A lot was left out, obviously, and movies always seem disappointing after you've read the book.

Next we're going to read The Next Thing On My List by Jill Smolinski. Sounds much more lighthearted than our last two books and I hope to read a happy ending!

Quick fix

Below is a picture of my birthday shoes. I'm absolutely obsessed with them. I would sleep in them if I could. (Un)Fortunately, they aren't the most practical shoes, being 5" leather heels, so they will only be coming out for special occasions.

While I was out gettin' grown for my birthday celebration, I scuffed these babies up like CrAzY!! The scuffs wouldn't rub off and I was terrified that these beauties were ruined.

I decided to try rubbing alcohol on them. It worked great!! I wasn't sure if it would do anything but it was the perfect fix. Obviously, with this fix you have to be careful with the type of material you're using it on. But I was lucky that my shoes were saved!!



Sidenote: They are not as white as they appear in the picture. They are more of a creamy pearl. I would never be caught dead in white heels (probably).

Beauty on a budget - Take 2

So, as you may recall I downgraded my Lorac concealer to Sonia Kashuk, which ended up being an amazing find! I figured I might have the same luck with her foundation as well.

I was out of my MAC Studio Fix and NARS bronzer and decided to take a little look around Target. I decided on Sonia Kashuk foundation and Physician's Formula bronzer. This cost me about $26 as opposed to $60. I was super excited to try both of these so the next day I used them and was absolutely not impressed. The bronzer didn't add a single thing to my face and I'm not really a fan of how the foundation went on.

After days of putting this on and feeling like my face is just missing something, I decided to give in. I realized - Once you go MAC, you never go back. Saturday I went to the mall and bought my regular Studio Fix and bronzer.

I decided I'll continue to use the Sonia Kashuk foundation to work and on weekends until it runs out; as long as I use the NARS bronzer it's fine. But when I go out I'll definitely reach for my Studio Fix!

Lesson learned: When it comes to the basics, you just can't give those up.

A day at The Office

I make it a point to not discuss work on my blog. It's just not professional and I don't enjoy mixing my personal and professional lives. However, I MUST share this story from today. I'm going to use names from the show The Office to distinguish the real life characters. They will be Dwight, Andy and Kelly. And Pam pretty much defines my every day life.

So it begins in the breakroom. Andy doesn't usually eat lunch in there, but today he did for whatever reason. So at 12:30, like clockwork, Kelly and I went into the breakroom to eat. As we're both warming up our food in the microwave, Dwight walks in and asks what everyone is eating. Why it's necessary for him to know what we're eating, I'm not really sure. So, turns out that Kelly and I had both brought meatloaf. Random but funny.

After we each announce what we're eating, Dwight proceeds to tell us about something he recently saw on TV about eating meat. Whatever stupid show he saw, it apparently said that the human body doesn't need meat and blah blah blah. Oh, also that people live longer if they don't eat meat. Really? Because I don't fucking care. I'll die when I'm supposed to die and I don't need you telling me what I shouldn't be eating to keep me living past 90-years-old.

Dwight and Andy began debating about this back and forth.


Andy, very carefully and without being rude, seemed to be saying exactly what I was thinking. Dwight made himself sound like an idiot while lingering around. Kelly jumped in here and there to validate points, while I kept my head down reading my newspaper. Kelly knows me well enough to know I was annoyed and just wanted to eat lunch in peace without this idiotic conversation going on and without them in the room. She gave me a slant of the eye and we both smirked.

Finally something funny happend. Dwight said, "We'll I've been a juicer for about 7 years and that works well for me." Kelly shot back with, "Isn't that code for HEROIN?" I couldn't stop laughing on the inside. I tried not to show it on the outside.

Dwight finally retreated and left the breakroom, after wasting about 20 minutes of my peaceful lunch hour. And me, being Pam, just has this look on my face the whole time.

Absolutely Fabulous!

The shoes that Stella McCartney is wearing in this picture are so amazing! I absolutely love the simplicity of the look. But I've been trying and trying to figure out how she walked in them. There doesn't seem to be anything that would keep them on her feet with the toes or heels of the foot.

Thoughts on how this is possible?

This quote is so me

"I have a good brain on me, but I've never really used it when it came to making decisions about love, which has been a blessing and a curse." -Sienna Miller

Need to make more room in the closet

So when my aunt got remarried last year to a man named Michael Jackson, I wasn't sure what all he'd bring to the table in our family besides some jokes about his name. Sure, he was extremely nice and great with her daughter, but what can he do for ME? (I'm being a bit sassy; I never actually thought that until on Sunday when I realized how much his presence in my family benefitted me.)

See, Zappos.com is based out of Louisville, my real home. Michael Jackson works at Zappos in their mechanical department. Michael Jackson also recieves an incredible discount at their warehouse in Louisville. And lucky for me, I was in Louisville this weekend. Hello, Uncle Mike!

On Sunday we took a little trip to what I like to call heaven. I bought FOUR pairs of shoes (Steve Madden sandals, Steve Madden flats, Steven heels and some other gorgeous heels but I forgot the name on them) for SEVENTY-SEVEN DOLLARS. Yes, that is $77.00 for FOUR pairs of shoes. My sister got 3 pairs and a Jessica Simpson purse, all for for $59. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!!!

So, that was 4 new pairs of shoes that I get to play with. Then, I come back to work today from my vacation, and my Jessica Simpson Teluride pumps that I ordered before I left are here waiting for me!

FIVE PAIRS OF SHOES WITHIN THREE DAYS!!!!!

Thank you, shoe gods. Thank you.

Ouch

Not to sound dramatic or anything, but having your heart broken feels a lot like someone came up behind you, put a sack over your body, dragged you to the middle of nowhere and beat you to a pulp, then left you there to figure out how to crawl out and find your way back home.

So true

"I dont get the press's perception of her as a desperate woman. She's been with every hot guy from Brad Pitt to John Mayer. She's not tragic, she's amazing."

- Kathy Griffin on Jennifer Aniston, to People magazine

Soul Food

This coming weekend couldn't come at a more perfect time. Little, Best Friend, Dub and I will be getting away for a couple of days for a much needed reunion and some girl time. After a rough week and a broken heart - which is entirely too fresh to discuss, unfortch - this will be good for the soul! My best girls, drinks and the beach. I don't think it could get much better :) I'm sure there will be some exciting stories to come...

Beauty on a budget

So I've been trying to save money in little areas every way that I can. I'm running low on ALL of my makeup right now and I've already switched from my BadGal Lash mascara to Cover Girl's new Lash Blast mascara and I've got to say it's pretty impressive for a drug store find.

Yesterday while I was at Target I decided to take a look for a new concealer. Right now I use Lorac, and I LOVE it, but it's just a bit pricey for a small tub of concealer and I was hoping to find something comparable for a little cheaper. I wandered over to the Sonia Kashuk section and found a palette of concealers for $10. The palette includes 2 shades of concealer, 1 neutralizer and 1 translucent powder. I used it last night and this morning and I love it! I'm so excited that I was able to find something so great at low price. I definitely recommend it for anyone with a light-medium tone. It only comes in one option of colors so anyone with a darker tone is out of luck on this one.



I think I'll also try some of her foundation when my MAC finally kicks the bucket. I don't think I can part with my Nars bronzer though. Some things you just don't mess with.

Make me lose my breath...

Okay so Beyonce had her "baby boy" making her lose her breath, but these shoes yesterday made me lose mine:



I've been seriously needing a new pair of brown pumps for a while now and haven't found anything! So I saw these and totally fell in love. Unforuntaely they didn't have my size so Roomie told me to check Amazon.com.

I've never done that before for shoes or any item other than a book! Such a great idea! Unfortunately they didn't have this exact color so I got the Chocolate color:




They were sold on Amazon at a discounted price along with free shipping! I can't wait til they come in next week. I haven't gotten a new pair of shoes in a hot minute, and with the serious budget cuts in my life, it will be another long while until I can afford another pair. But these were a necessity since the others were beat.

Is this my fate?

I saw this link to a story about a 106-year-old woman who has never been married and is still looking for the love of her life. I can't help but panic and wonder if this will be my fate. (Note: the photo is not the woman from the story. It's just what I imagine myself to be when I'm and old lady still looking for love.)


Single girl (106) still looking for a man!

AT 106 YEARS of age, Castledermot woman Statia Kealy is probably one of Ireland’s oldest living citizens. And yet, despite her wonderful age, Statia, who managed to stay single all her life, has no intention of giving up and is still searching for that man of her dreams.

Even as she happily poses for our photographer, Piotr, she jokingly says to him, “I hope you find me a man with that photo.”

Born at Ballinphrase near Rathdowney, Co Laois on 5 July 1903, Statia has lived at Abbeylands in Castledermot for the past 16 years. “I moved here to look after my sister Lizzie O’Neill in 1990, but sadly Lizzie died.”

Looking remarkably well for a woman of her age, Statia puts her longevity down to the fact that she always kept her heart and has been contented with what she had. “I never did any harm to anyone. I have always tried to help out anyone when I could and that is the way I have lived,” says Statia.

The fact that she has never drank or smoked is probably also responsible for the healthy complexion that makes her look much younger than her 106 years. “I never smoked and I don’t know the taste of whiskey or stout,” says Statia.

Another reason for her youthful looks is that fact that she stayed clear of all cosmetics and potions. “Some women go mad, powdering themselves and getting their hair done. But I never put on that lipstick or paint. I always left myself as God made me.”

Rising from her bed every morning at 9am and retiring 12 hours later at 9pm, Statia is looked after every day by her home help Lilly Howe as well as by a large circle of friends and family. However, it is on her grandnephew Fr Ian O’Neill, whom she describes as her rock, that Statia depends most.

During the wars years, Statia remembers the hardships inflicted on families in Ireland. “I remember surviving on rations. We used to get tea and sugar once a week and you just had made the best of what you got.”

She also remembers the 1918 flu that swept through Ireland. “I remember my cousin Statia Campion giving birth to her first baby in one room and her husband Frank, who had died from the flu, being waked in the room beside her,” she says.

Even though she never found her ideal man, Statia claims she always got on well with members of the opposite sex. “I always had a joke with them. But sure how could any man live with me?” she jokes.

She then goes on to quote with a smile on her face: “Those that get married do well, but those that don’t do better.” Even though she is still searching for the man of her dreams, the devout Catholic is happy with her lot. “I will stay on this earth as long as God will leave me. God has been very good to me,” she adds.

In the standard message sent to Statia, President Mary McAleese stated: “I’m delighted to send you my warmest congratulations and most sincere good wishes on this special occasion. I wish you good health and happiness in all the day ahead.”

As we wind up our conversation, and I unfortunately have to refuse her warm invitation to have a cup of tea, she adds: “Maybe you’ll be coming back next year when I’m 107.” And I have no doubt I will.

http://www.carlow-nationalist.ie/tabId/511/itemId/4141/Single-girl-106-still-looking-for-a-man.aspx

Home is where the heart is- and where no one else lives

So after a ton of drama with Undomestic Goddess, that crazy bitch will soon be out of my life. I can't wait for the freedom of living alone again. To come home and not have to worry about having to chat with someone after a long day- I can use the phone for that. To not have to clean up after anyone else's mess- we know I hate messes. To have the refrigerator clear of someone else's junk- I hate opening up the freezer and everything falls out because it's too packed. To get up in the middle of the night in my undies and get a glass of water- I shouldn't have to put on a robe to walk to the fridge.

It's all so much better when you live alone!

One of the to-do's on my Bucket List is to live alone for a year before I get married (not that marriage is anywhere on the horizon), and I really only lived alone for a couple of months before I moved in with UD so it didn't count.

It is stressful because of the financial aspect of it, but budgeting is well worth it! Maybe a few less pairs of shoes in my future, but not having to worry about the dramatics of a roommate will be a good pay off.

Happy Birthday, LiLo!

Okay, even though I've quit my love of Lindsay, I still have to celebrate her birthday. I've included a picture of her actually looking healthy and non-haggard. Very pre-saMAN days.

Happy 23rd Birthday Lindsay Lohan!



Love,

Your former biggest fan

Love of my life

How can you not fall in love with these little creatures? Bulldogs are some of the cutest dogs around, and as puppies they are even better!

I want one so bad, but seeing as I have no money and I am quite allergic to them it'll have to wait a bit. Maybe my body can build up antibodies or whatever to my little pup if I'm around her enough.

Goodbye for now, Miss Lohan

So as I troll the internets for my daily fix of celebrity gossip, I'm always looking for new LiLo photos... of course. But lately, she's been looking more of a haggard mess than usual. What is with her always biting her fingers in pictures? I think it's her trying to be Marilyn Monroe (LiLo's idol) - there are photos of MM doing that but in a much classier way. Lindsay needs to realize it's not cute, by any means. This latest one was posted on her Twitter and it just made me say, "ENOUGH!!"



Enough with SaMAN. Enough with the on and off partying. Enough with not showering. Enough with the nail biting to try to be cute.

I have to say, I think I'll be bow-ing out of my Lohan Love for a while. She just needs to get it together. It's becoming embarassing to love her.

PS- I do still planning on naming my future bulldog pup Lindsay Lohan (I'll call her LiLo for short, obvi).

Thank you Jamie Spears

With all of this insanity surrounding Michael Jackson's sudden death, it makes me extremely happy that Britney Spears finally got her shit together. Seriously. She was Anna Nicole in waiting and it's terrifying to think she was probably very close to a tragic death at one point.

Once again, praise Poppa Jamie Spears.




And R.I.P. Michael Jackson. This must be similari to what it was like when Elvis died. Such a tragic, sudden, shocking loss of a true legend. Of course he had his personal life issues that no one will ever know the real truth about, but he was an icon in the music industry and the reason for so much of the music and entertainment we have now.

Firefly Lane

So Best Friend started a book club and the next book we are going to read is called Firefly Lane. From the jist of the description I think it sounds like a great read. I read the first four chapters last night and am excited to read more this weekend. Apparently it is supposed to make you want to call your best friend, and from hearing about the book I can see why.

In the first chapters that I've read, it discusses how the characters meet. It reminds me of the way Best Friend and I met - not in any similar circumstance or even age of the characters, but I think we were both kind of lost at the time in our lives when we met and without knowing it we gave each other a purpose and sense of belonging in a place that was still confusing and new to us. We became inseperable and every memory from 3 years of my life will forever include her.

The rest of my years will also include her, obviously, but in different ways. It's fun for us to be able to experience completely seperate things through each other's lives. Unfortunately we're unable to be physically 'attached at the hip' (per the sorority award we won in 2005, thank you very much) because we're grown ups now. We have two completely different lives, which may make it hard for some to understand why we are still 'best friends.' But something that so many people will never understand about the two of us, we'll never be torn apart. We'll never fall out of love with each other. We may be different, but we know each other in ways and were there through experiences for each other than no one can ever understand. And although we may have grown differently, we grew up together - which creates an even stronger bond.

I've realized a few things:
1. You don't have to have everything in common with a best friend, that gets extremely boring.
2. Other great friends will forever be in the picture of you and your best friend, but they'll never compare.
3. No matter how different two people can become, when love and compassion is at the center of it, they will not grow apart.
4. Being best friends isn't something that you need to confirm all the time; you just know.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." ~Elisabeth Foley

Dear Chris Brown,

Shut the fuck up, you girlfriend-beating piece of trash. You deserve to never sell a single record again and have all of your money taken away from you and live on the streets and get the shit beat out of you daily.



Sincerely,

Someone-you-should-hope-to-never-run-into-because-as-Kathie-Griffin-would-say-I'll-cut-a-bitch

Stage 5 Clinger, update

So, since the object of my affection (OOMA) seems to think that we should date other people at the moment, I decided I needed to get on the ball. I'm sure you all remember S5C. Well he's still lingering around in my life so I decided that he could be allowed take me out on that date he's always wanted to. The main reason being that OOMA is completely against me ever dating S5C and has begged me to date 'anyone but him.' Sucks for you, OOMA.

So, S5C wants to go to the movies. Worst date idea EVER if you're really trying to go on a date, but whatever. We decided to go on Sunday.

Sunday morning rolls around and he asks me, over Facebook chat, if I had plans for the day because he was thinking that we could go to lunch and then see the movie. Umm, hang on. Did you just turn our date into a DAY DATE? Not cute.

I tell him I have plans with a friend at noon so he says he'll call at 2 p.m. I texted him at 1 p.m. when I was done with said friend and said I was done, but he still doesn't call until about 2:15. He then asks me if he wants me to head his way or him come my way (about a 30 minute distance, give or take) and luckily for him he ends up saying he's going to come up my way. For our day date.

He says there is a showing at 2:45 and "let's just meet there." Umm, is this a date or a friendly get together? He said he didn't want to bother with trying to figure out where I live. I said "umm, I live right off the interstate" that he'd be passing, "but okay..." and he says he'll see me there.

I immediately got off the phone and called my parents crying. A) I already know who I want to be with so why am I being forced to go on DAY DATES with some boy I don't care to see, B) why is this 'date' turning sucky ALREADY?

So we meet at the movies, after my dad tells me what a piece of crap S5C is and to just stand him up (which I unfortunately can't do because we're in a wedding together and in the same friend crowd). He's completely short and borderline rude with me. Apparently he has better things to do than go to a movie with me, during the day. Afterward we ended the date with a hug and him saying "see you on Facebook."

WHAT A CHARMER.

Fast forward to today, and he actually does see me on Facebook and chats with me - For some reason he's wanting to get together again. Because Sunday was so fun? He then compliments the sundress I wore on Sunday and goes on to tell me that I have great fashion since which is "muy importante" to him. Not that I have a great personality and that's important; not that I'm funny and that's important; not that I am a nice girl and that's important, but my FASHION SENSE is what turns him on apparently.

I have plenty of gay friends, I don't need another. Thanks.

True story

Sometimes I think I should be nicer, then I think...

Success

A good friend and I were chatting about life the other day, sharing our pearls of wisdom, and she brought up something that a friend said to her that was extremely offensive. We'll call this good friend of mine Pearl.

Pearl is a 25-year-old working girl who put herself through college (and finished in four years might I add) and continues to fully support herself financially. She has an infectious personality and is a wonderful friend. In my mind, these are characteristics of true success in life.

I will say that although Pearl is working, she's not 100% happy in her job. It's well paying and she's a good employee, but it's not what she wants to do with her life. She's still in the midst of finding exactly what it is she wants to do.

Pearl and I have this in common, which I think is one reason we relate so well. We're both in jobs that are "fine," but it's not what we want to do forever and it's more of a stagnant place in life rather than one in which you can grow.

So, Pearl's friend - a spoiled brat who, at 24-years-old, still lives off of her parents money, with no current job, and recieves "good luck on your interview" Coach purses from her daddy - made a rude, ignorant comment to Pearl about not being successful. Rude Friend is one of the most selfish, shallow people I've ever known. She's not someone you'd like to call a friend.

While we were discussing the comment, Pearl made a great point: If she was happy in her current job and wanted to be there and stay with the company, then she would be considered successful. But since she is unhappy with where she is at the moment, that is considered her being in an unsuccessful job to some. This doesn't make sense, and it's not fair.

Apparently, Rude Friend consideres herself successful because she's just finished her Masters Degree, yet still doesn't have a job, is not financially independent (and that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon) and thinks she is better than anyone that she knows. This is success?

I've been financially independent from my parents for three years, have moved to a different city on my own, have fully supported myself, made decisions for my own life without the approval of anyone else, and dealt with life's blunders ON MY OWN, yet because I have a job that I am unhappy in and not sure of the direction of my career, I'm considered unsuccessful to many people.

Personally, I think there is nothing more successful than a woman who can do anything on her own - including without a man. That includes financially, mentally and emotionally. I really believe that it doesn't matter what your career path is or may be or how unsure you are of where you want life to take you; if you can take care of yourself, really do it on your own, and be a great friend and know how to be selfless for others, that is true success.

Zappos

I'm not a big fan of shopping online. It makes me nervous to purchase something without tangible evidence of how great it really is. When buying things like makeup or books you don't have to worry much about that, but I still don't like paying for something without the instant gratification of actually HAVING it in my hands at that moment. I like being more of a hands-on-shopper.

But, for the past few months I've been looking for a new black purse. Purses have to be perfect you know, especially an everyday one. They have to have all the right compartments for your items, be just the right size for your shoulder and arms and be basic enough for everyday use, but stylish enough at the same time. After months of searching, I just hadn't had any luck so I finally trolled the web.

I had heard about Zappos.com before and browsed it a bit in the past, but never purchased from it. I decided to take my search to Zappos and see what it could do for me. Dun, dun, dun... behold - exactly what I'd been looking for at a great price! The kicker? Free shipping! Not just any ol' free shipping. NEXT DAY FREE SHIPPING! I ordered my little treat yesterday about 2 p.m. and received it this morning at 10 a.m.

I Like:

Sugar - Hobo
by Jessica Simpson

There also is an, what seems to be, easy return policy. Luckily no returns for me. I love my new little black bag and can't wait to showcase it this evening!

I highly recommend using Zappos.com for these types of purchases; they sell shoes, purses, sunglasses, clothes and more.

More positives of high heels

The Sun reports that podiatrists are alarmed at the rising number of foot injuries caused by ballet flats and flip flops. They say flat shoes can cause severe foot pain, bunions, shooting pains in the shins, back aches and even arthritis.

"Over the last three to four years we’ve had a significant increase in the number of problems caused be wearing flat shoes such as ballet pumps or flip flops. I’ve seen three or four just in the last week,” Mike O’Neill, spokesman for the Society of Chiropodists and Podiatrists, said.

Wear a two-inch heel instead, say Italian researchers. By wearing a higher heel, you'll not only have fewer foot problems but better sex, too.

They say the posture you have while wearing heels helps strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.

http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/features_momsatwork/2009/05/high-heels-boost-health-sex-life.html

I Die.

That's all I can say about this purse.

I Like:

Zuma Knotted Satchel
by Michael Kors

I was just purse shopping online and this bundle of joy popped up! Of course I can't afford it but a girl can dream.

Yes, I said it

"I don't ask about it because I know it makes her feel special."

The Undomestic Goddess

I thought the domestic gene was in every girl, kind of like the motherly gene. I thought it just kicks in when you're on your own and when it needs to and then it's there.

Apparently not.

Some background on me: I never had to do many chores growing up - just the occassional emptying of the dishwasher or vacuuming; never had to make my bed before I left my room in the morning.

But once I was on my own, I knew to pick up after myself. I knew to vacuum weekly. I knew not to leave crumbs sitting on the counter because bugs will be drawn and I knew to take out the trash when it was full. I knew to wipe up spills and throw away trash. Doesn't every girl know to do those things - even the spoiled ones?

Again, apparently not.

I must say my necessity to have a clean home has become somewhat of an obsession. I understand that I'm unlike most people when it comes to keeping things straight and in order and cleaned up. I know that I can be a bit overbearing on how I like things to look so I try to keep that in mind when I live with someone and let most things roll off my back. After all, I do enjoy cleaning so if I have to do a little picking up after someone from time to time, who cares... right?

Well, I live with a freak of nature when it comes to domestication. I can't possibly understand how a grown women has absolutely no sense when it comes to cooking, cleaning, laundry and really just common sense.

I lived on my own for a while - and let me tell you it was the best experience of my life - and during that time it was heaven. Nothing out of place. No dirty dishes. No crumbs on the counters or floors. Trash never overflowing. I know it's an obsession and probably a bit OCD like, but it's how I like it and it's what keeps me sane.

Somehow in my current living situation, there are constantly chunks of food that I step on, coffee stains covering the appliances, crumbs all over the counters, used paper towels sitting on by the sink, and even... FLIES. Where do the flies come from you ask? From the disposal because the Undomestic Goddess doesn't know how to run it once she puts food down it.

I know what you're doing right now as you read this. You're asking yourself, "why don't you just say something to her so that she'll stop?"

Oh, I have. I've said it politely. I've said it with sass. I've cleaned it up in front of her face to prove a point. But to no avail. This bitch just doesn't get it.

When it comes to cooking, I'm not the best. Hell, I don't even try. Unfortunately, UD does try. And she tries with MY kitchen supplies.

I'll give you two examples.

Numero Uno: UD noticed that I own a George Forman grill. She asked me how to use it and I begrudingly told her. I explained to her how to turn it on and how to clean it so that she wouldn't screw it up. Well, forgetting that UD lacked common sense, I failed to mention that there is a drip tray to go along with the grill. And UD failed to ask where it was. It was about 5 minutes into her meal-making that I realized she had a paper towel sitting where the drip tray should be to catch the grease. Not only was it sitting there, it was full on - purposely - touching the grill. Apparently she was hoping to get a visit from the fire department sometime during the evening. I corrected her and immediately left so that I wouldn't pull out her hair.

Numero Dos: UD text messaged me on my way home from work one evening asking me if she can put the PLASTIC cover to my cakepan in the oven. I immediately called her and told her NO. She actually made the following statement, "Okay good, I'm glad you called. I couldn't decide between the plastic or a dish towel to cover the lasagna in the oven so I'll use the dish towel." Again, I corrected her in a very unpatient tone.

I got home later that night to my plastic pan cover melted on the counter. She told me she'd buy me a new one. I'm still waiting.

How did this girl grow up? What does her mother's home look like? I'd love to have a serious sit down conversation with the people that raised this girl and ask them why they never taught their child some brain power or sound judgement.

So please, for all of you Undomestic Goddesses out there, get your shit together. After all, cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Just a regular Sunday afternoon

This post is dedicated to my very best friend, who still loves me despite my shenanigans.

Sunday was finally the big day of S + T's engagement party and after weeks of talking and somewhat blowing him off, Stage 5 Clinger and I decided to go together. After all, he is the Best Man and I'm the Maid of Honor - wouldn't that be just darling?

Days before the party, S5C was getting entirely too excited about our 2 hour roadtrip together. I was recieving texts, Facebook messages (ending in "xoxoxoxox!!!!!!!" and even one picture message of a note that said "Can't wait to see you! XOXO!" (Anyone who knows me knows that the use of 'xoxo' and excessive exclamation marks from a boy will rule him out immediately in my book.)

So it was Sunday morning. I was about 20% hungover and had only had a few hours of sleep when I got up at 8:30 (at another boy's house, who only slightly uses excessive exclamation marks) to go home and get ready. As I was doing my makeup I recieved a text message and all I could see were way too many '!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s.

"OMG!!!!! I'm so excited!!!!!!!!! What are you wearing? We should match!!!!!!! OMG THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUN!!!!!!" I responded with, "OMG. Stop."

Whoa, buddy. It's not even 9 a.m. and you're already bombarding me with the OMG's and the !!!!!!!!!'s. At that moment, I realized the day would not be as laid back as planned. I had to be on guard in case he started throwing too many punctuation marks at me in the car.

So I put on my purple and white sundress, print out the directions and I'm on my way. To go pick him up. Because his car currently is hardly functioning enough to drive 2 hours there and back. Awesome.

I'm at his house and he gets into the car, wearing a blue polo and khaki pants - which I basically had to pick out for him from all of his questions about jeans/khakis?, tie/no tie?, button down/polo? He proceeds to ask me why I didn't tell him that I was going to be wearing purple because he would have gone out and bought a purple polo so that we could match. No thank you.

Our drive begins and I'm tired and hungry, which means I'm cranky. He starts singing and dancing in the car. He tells me about the amount of money he spent on a gift. He texts me to tell me that I look nice (yes, as I was sitting in the car right next to him). It was just all too much for a sleep deprived, hungry girl to handle.

We arrive at our destination. Thank God Best Friend saves me as soon as we walk in the door and I give her a Cliff's Notes version of the drive. We decide it's clearly not what S5C had in mind for what the day would be.

Before anyone else showed up I grabbed a Coke and lots of finger foods. I figured that'd be the best beverage selection for my lack of sleep and my excess of beer the night before. Everyone began to arrive, as did Dub - one of the funnest girls in the world to drink with. We all stuck with our sodas at first but sometime around 1 p.m. I whispered to Dub, "I really want some wine..." and she whispered back, "Me too!" We haul ourselves into the kitchen and crack open the frosty cold bottle of white wine sitting on the counter. After one glass I'm already tipsy. Tipsy enough to want a second one right away. Apparently Dub felt the same way.

We down another glass of wine and end up talking to Best Friend's future step-mom. I'm trying to pretend that I don't think she's crazy as she's telling me entirely too much about her life. Dub is standing next to me, nodding to pretend like she's also interested in the conversation. I look over and Dub is looking down at her wet arm. "I spilled!" She had apparently, for no reason, turned her entire glass of wine over. Spillage on the floor. She ran away so I was forced to clean it up - which made anyone standing around think that I spilled my wine. That was sign #1 that Dub had consumed too much and we should probably stop. But we continued.

I force another glass or two down her throat and at this point all we can do is giggle at each other about how drunk we are in this gorgeous home surrounded by all of these strangers, all the while trying our hardest to pretend we aren't drunk. Dub's fiance also joined in on the fun, encouraging me to have her drink more, which was just hysterical to me.

Time for food! We all herd inside to get in line for food and I'm standing behind Dub, and in front of Best Friend's aunt, who's also in the wedding party. This is where I realize I've had too much. I begin to talk to Aunt and proceed to spill my wine on her. Did I mention she is pregnant? Yes, I spilled wine on a pregnant woman. I then broke the one rule that I NEVER allow myself to break: I told her my baby names. What was I thinking?? Anyone could have overheard and, BOOM!, there go my 2 wonderful names for my future princesses.

Sidenote: It is a strict rule of mine that I do NOT share my future baby names with ANYONE, for fear that they will be taken since all of my friends are getting married like, yesterday, and I have no wedding, let alone baby, in sight.

After eating, and probably talking entirely too loudly and obnoxiously - truthfully I can't really remember - I decided that glass #5 would be it for me. We stayed a little longer and then everyone began saying their goodbyes.

S5C took my keys and we headed to my car. (We didn't talk much during the party because, thankfully, we both had too many other friends to play with other than each other.) On the way home I passed out for about an hour so that killed a lot of time that I had to be annoyed with him. He didn't seem to excited when I woke up either.

We get to his house and he gets out of the car and hugs me and that's that. I think he expected a road trip of love but all he got was a road trip of reality. He also didn't offer any compensation for the drive that used an entire tank of gas - no dinner, no offer for gas money. (I'll also add that S5C enjoys flaunting the amount of money he makes, so this did not bode well for him at all.)

I ended the day with Boston Market and a 9:30 bed time. Too much wine, friends and fun for this little girl to handle!

S5C hasn't called, texted or even poked (which was part of the Facebooking going on days prior) me since Sunday. Which is fine. But I'm wondering if I should rethink my hard partying ways at engagement parties. Apparently they tend to scare others off.

Birthday heels!

Reese Witherspoon wore these AMAZING pieces of heaven (Balenciaga, A Line Platform Pump) to a premiere for her new movie on her birthday! Such beauties should be worn on such occassions!


(And at the low price of $1,045, these babies cost less than my car accident! When I woke up last Tuesday I should have ordered these rather than going out and wrecking my car. Next time I'll keep that in mind.)

There ain't no ass to kiss when you're livin' life on the D-List

Oh, Kathie, Kathie, Kathie - you bad girl! She has definitely become my favorite tranny.

I like boys who like boys

This post is here for 2 reasons: to show my appreciation for some of my favorite people, and to get excited for Kathie Griffin tomorrow night!

I have my main gay. He's my favorite and if I never get married, I'd choose him to be my emergency contact person. He'll come over and take care of my cats when I go on my Spinster vacays. Actually, scratch that, we'll probably take Spinster vacays together (however, not to Vegas). We've even shared a man (seperately), which I think is just fagulous!

Anyway, there's another sassafrass that's trying to get on my hag radar. This started about a year ago. Everytime we're out together he totally hollers at me, not in the I-want-you way; in the I-want-you-to-go-shopping-with-me way. He's even invited me to Happy Hour tonight. Watch out Lovah!

Kidding. My Lovah will forever be my main gay-squeeze.

But I do love the boys that love the boys. Maybe it's their pure honesty and bitchiness. Not many people can match me on the 'tude I can give to a complete dousche out at a bar, but the gays totally can.