My Old Friend

I don't know that many people my age who have truly experienced the worst day of their life. Sure- cars break down, tests are failed, the alarm clock doesn't go off and we're late for work, etc... Those are bad days. Those are crappy things that happen that don't affect us a year from that moment, 5 years from that moment, or the rest of our lives. I know a few people who have definitely experienced the worst day they will probably ever have. They've recieved life shattering news that you know will never again make them the same person. But not many.

The worst day of my life happend 5 years ago tomorrow. October 19, 2004. I was 20-years-old and absolutely not prepared for it. I had just gotten back to my college apartment after taking a test. A friend called to compare notes on how we both did. I had another call, my caller ID showed 'Home.' I immediately felt like something was wrong before I clicked over. It was strange- they say you can sense this stuff, and I guess I did. My mom sounded upset while she asked me how my test went. My first reaction was to ask her what was wrong, knowing it was bad. I could hear it in her voice. I figured it was probably my Grandma, that she'd passed away. I started crying, still not knowing what was wrong but, again, knowing it was going to be very bad news. "WHAT! WHAT!" I yelled at her to tell me. She started sobbing, "Megan died in a car accident today."

My world caved in. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. The only thing I could say was "Oh my God" over and over and over.

Megan was my cousin. To a lot of people that might not mean much. Most of my friends aren't very close to their extended family the way mine is. My cousins are like brothers and sisters to me. My aunts and uncles are like second parents. All of the cousins in my family are just a few years different in age so we've grown up being extremely close. But I was closest to Megan. We were just a year apart in age and when we'd get together as a family it was Megan and Ashley attached at the hip. We'd spend hours together hidden away from everyone else, while they all wondered what we were laughing so hard about behind closed doors. She was my favorite.

I always knew she was extra special. I was always kind of jealous of her. She was the Homecoming Queen. She loved Jesus above anything. She had natural bleach blonde hair, could get a gorgeous tan by just standing in the sun for 5 minutes, perfectly white teeth, beautiful smile, athletic, fit, hilarious, and more. Her friends called her Sunshine and she definitely was the light in any room.

It never made sense to me and it never will. This wasn't like a grandparent dying. That's supposed to happen. That is expected. A 19-year-old with an full life ahead of her isn't supposed to be gone in an instant. My family has forever changed and I've forever changed. Even 5 years later, when we all get together in our large family, something is missing and it will never feel the same. I cried every single night for probably close to a year. I wanted to hide forever until my time came to go and see her again. Life didn't make sense to me anymore and I didn't understand how the world just kept moving without her.

October 23, this Friday, would have been her 24th birthday. Last week my aunt, Megan's mom, sent our family an email just asking us to remember her. She probably doesn't realize that I've thought about Megan every single day for the past 5 years. She said she still doesn't understand why on October 19 the sun still rises and the stores and banks still open up. I'd have to agree.

My old friend, I recall
The times we had that are hanging on my wall
I wouldn't trade them for gold
Cause they laugh and they cry me and
Somehow sanctify me
And they're woven in the stories I have told
And tell again

My old friend, I apologize
For the years that have passed since the
Last time you and I
Dusted off those memories
But the runnin' and the races and the
People and the places
There was always somewhere else I had to be
And time gets thin my old friend

Don't know why, don't know why
Don't know why, don't know why

My old friend this song's for you
Cause a few simple verses was the least that I could do
To tell the world that you were here
'Cause the love and the laughter will live on long after
All of the sadness and the tears
We'll meet again my old friend

Goodbye, Goodbye

--Tim McGraw