MisMatchDotCom

So a couple of months ago, a married friend of mine talked me into what I always said was the unthinkable - online dating. We window shopped for boys the night I joined and I quickly panicked and decided I needed to forget about it for the night. Below are a few of the messages I've received on this wonderful web site in the last couple of months.

Title: If you were a waffle...
...I'd never "leggo". 

Ha, I hope you can appreciate a dumb line like that. I heard it recently and thought it was funny! lol 

So, I see that you like to travel too! Where are some of your favorite places to go? Where are we going first?

While I do appreciate a dumb joke, this was just odd.



A string of messages--
Title: (no subject)
Him: Hi!!

Me: Hey! Sorry I'm just getting this.. haven't been on in a hot minute!

Hope you had happy holidays.. :)

Him:No worries,

The holidays were relaxing for the most part; I hung with family & ate turkey. Now it's time for resolutions and tax returns...haha.

How's 2013 treating you? And do you come out to downtown much? I'd love to meet up for a drink sometime :)

Shawn

Him again after not receiving a response from me: Well THAT was clearly a waste of time.

Sent from the Match iPhone app

Me: Hm.. what was a waste of time? The 4 seconds it took you to message me? I apologize for the apparent time you took out of your schedule to send me a few messages that consisted of a couple of lines. What I won't apologize for is the fact that I do not frequent downtown so I'm not there to get a drink on a regular basis and don't feel that I need to be the one to come to downtown to you to do so. If you would have taken a bit more initiative to request drinks in a convenient location and/or would have tried to be aware of the obvious apprehension that could come along with a dating web site, then maybe I would have responded in a more timely fashion. Ashley

I meannn... honestly- what a douche bag.

Title: Hello and Happy New Year! (VIP Email)

Love your profile and I think you're super sexy and beautiful. 

Would you be interested in having a drink and some fantastic conversation with me sometime? Any new years resolutions I should know about? 

Hope your year is off to a great start. 

John

I just feel that calling someone "sexy" without having ever spoken to them or met them is a bit out of line. Also- why jump right into asking for a drink? I feel like without a few message exchanges back and forth, it's a bit presumptuous to ask for a date.

Title: I remember you...

Didn't notice it at first, and then I realized you look very familiar. I went to school with you way back, even had a crush back then on you, which I'm sure you know, haha. 

That was a hell of a coincidence...your username verified it.

I have no fucking clue who this person was.

Story People

Sometimes the only thing to do is to start looking at
everything again until you forget what you're supposed
to see and actually see what's there.

I hate. . .

. . .girls that shotgun beers. Now I should clarify- maybe it's not all girls that shotgun beers that I think are stupid, but any female above the age of 22 that is still shotgunning a beer to show what she can do is one that  would fall into this category. I give that specific age because whatever is done in college just... doesn't count... and everyone needs one year of wiggle room after we graduate, as we all border that fine line of what's appropriate and what's not after those years of acceptable irresponsibility.

I have personally never shotgunned a beer. Am I missing out on piece of my journey in life? Possibly. But, I knew I'd make a mess of myself if I ever tried, so I left it to the pros - which always seemed to be the boys. In my opinion, that's always kind of a 'boy' thing to do. I feel like if a girl is shotgunning a beer, she's trying to keep up with the guys around her and/or maybe trying to impress the boy she has a crush on. I'm pretty sure no boy in the history of life decided who his wife would be based on the sole reason of how well she tried to keep up with the men.

Now I know I'm not one to be giving tips on how to impress the fellas, but I do feel like this little tidbit would be beneficial for all the ladies out there: no matter how skinny you are, no matter how cute your Forever 21 dress that you have on is, no matter how much makeup you have on, no matter how young and fun you think you still are, and no matter how hard you try... punching a hole in a beer can and then chugging it as you spill all over yourself and potentially slice your lip open is NEVER a good look.

Blanche's side eye says it all.

Thoughts you probably won't like

I will try to keep most of this blog away from any political conversation (because, let's face it - no one agrees on anything), but as I'm watching the Olympics, the announcer just let America know that President Obama called Michael Phelps to congratulate him on being the most decorated Olympian.

While I am happy for Michael Phelps and proud of his contributions to America, I just think that the President of the United States of America has a little bit more to do than make a phone call like that.

#stoptryingtobethe'cool'president  YES. I SAID IT.

While I will NOT go on record saying I don't support our president -- I truly believe that all presidents should be respected by the country, no matter political party -- I just feel like that other, more important, phone calls could have occupied his time in that moment.

Any good Zeta will tell you. . .

I hate everyone. . .

Almost a true statement.

Joan Rivers has an amazing new book out called I Hate Everyone. . . Starting With Me. I meannn.. the concept is pure brilliance.

If you haven't been lucky enough to come across the book, I'll give you a run down:
Joan Rivers calls out all the idiots in America. . . and/or the world. However, this does include herself - so stop hating.

I'm going to take a page out of Joan's book (pun intended) and start my own I Hate Everyone. . . "segment" of my blog. I'll make it label (This will make this "segment" of my blog easier for you to follow/stalk. You're welcome.), and each time someone or something annoys me - I'll add to it. Better check back for regular updates to make sure you're not on my list!

USA! USA!

If you know me, you know I have a penchant for all things British [sigh]. So my regular love for the Summer Olympics is increased this year since it's taking place in London! I've been glued to the TV for the past few days as much as possible soaking up the summer sports.

My favorite Olympic sport by far has always been women's gymnastics. Forty-eight hours ago, it was heartbreaking to watch Jordyn Wieber not qualify for the all-around! Last night followed up with another disappointment of the men's gymnastic team not medaling. Wahhhh.. poor USA!!

However, tonight was an exciting turn of events with the women's gymnastic team winning GOLD!! Cheers!

These girls are awesome and make me uber jealous that my gymnastics career (and by career I mean dance lessons once a week) ended at the age of 10.

And to think. . . I could have won the gold!