Friday Night Anecdote

I was at happy hour on Friday with some friends and the bartender didn't like the way I was holding my cup as I was standing at the bar waiting for him to serve me so he took it and threw it across the bar. My reaction was to say to him, "that was very unprofessional of you."

I thought it was funny. Douchebag.

How my work Christmas party ended up with me throwing up in my bathtub: an anecdote

Last Thursday was my work holiday party. A week beforehand, I decided to take that Friday off as well so that I could be sure to finish my projects and homework that are wrapping up my first semester of teacher school (yay, me!).

Taking Friday off? Best. Decision. Ever.

The reason behind this is two-fold:
1. I was entirely too hungover to even function to come to work Friday.
2. I needed to work off a bit of shame from the night before.

Our party was at one of my boss' homes. A gorgeous house; very fancy. OOMA was my date (shocking, I know!) and I told him I wanted to get there in plenty of time to enjoy the open bar. The open bar was lasting all night. The party started at 7:00 p.m., but we got lost and the directions on both of our phones weren't working so we ended up there about 7:30; dinner was at 8:00.

When we arrived, I think OOMA was a bit nervous and I was just stressed out from life in general so we headed straight for the bar. I had 3 glasse of white wine in the 30 minutes before dinner. Not a smart move.

At dinner it all hit me at once, yet I told our waiter to be sure my glass was full at all times. Apparently I was 'hilarious' at dinner, according to OOMA. I pulled out my iPhone to play 'NSync's "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" because I was bored with the Josh Grobin Christmas CD playing in the background. I told my co-workers that I'm girlier than them and specifically apparently told one that she wasn't very girly at all. I'm sure there was MUCH, MUCH more that I'm missing out on.

After dinner and gift exchanges (who got what? I haven't a clue), we all gathered into another room where I had a conversation with one of my gay bosses (you know I love the gays so of course I work for TWO) where I think I remember mentioning something about my gay boyfriends, but I have no idea if I really did or not. I think I may have also shared that I'm going back to school. Neither of those topics would be amusing to him so I sure hope I didn't go there.

While there were just four of us left as guests and our hosts (other gay boss.. love) remaining, I apparently (and this is confirmed by a co-worker) told my boss that "all the gays are invited to my wedding." According to her story, he ran away. He must not have been too upset with me though because, according to another story, when I was walking out, we were hugging and almost fell into a fountain in front of his house. Now that would make for some nice employee bonding.

Somehow OOMA and I got home safely (thank you Jesus). I passed out on the couch while he had a party with himself in my kitchen. Somewhere in the night I moved to my bed and when I got up in the morning I walked into my living room to find what looked like we'd had all our friends over. I have no idea how one small apartment became so messy in the matter of a few hours.

So I layed in bed, stomach in pain- wondering what happend the night before, wondering if I'd have a job on Monday, wondering who I offended, wondering how we made it home safely. I decied a shower was necessary to try to feel a bit better. As I get ready to shower, I felt it coming... and there it was. In my bathtub. The evidence of the night before. Gross, I know. I cleaned it.

I was terrified to come into work Monday after the stories I'd heard from my behavior Thursday. I didn't do anything completely out of line, I was just loud, which everyone is used to. But I had no idea what my side conversations consisted of, and I had possibly offended one of my bosses in regards to his personal life.

Luckily, I still have a job. And luckily, I have learned to stay SOBER at all future work functions.

Just a regular Sunday afternoon

This post is dedicated to my very best friend, who still loves me despite my shenanigans.

Sunday was finally the big day of S + T's engagement party and after weeks of talking and somewhat blowing him off, Stage 5 Clinger and I decided to go together. After all, he is the Best Man and I'm the Maid of Honor - wouldn't that be just darling?

Days before the party, S5C was getting entirely too excited about our 2 hour roadtrip together. I was recieving texts, Facebook messages (ending in "xoxoxoxox!!!!!!!" and even one picture message of a note that said "Can't wait to see you! XOXO!" (Anyone who knows me knows that the use of 'xoxo' and excessive exclamation marks from a boy will rule him out immediately in my book.)

So it was Sunday morning. I was about 20% hungover and had only had a few hours of sleep when I got up at 8:30 (at another boy's house, who only slightly uses excessive exclamation marks) to go home and get ready. As I was doing my makeup I recieved a text message and all I could see were way too many '!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s.

"OMG!!!!! I'm so excited!!!!!!!!! What are you wearing? We should match!!!!!!! OMG THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUN!!!!!!" I responded with, "OMG. Stop."

Whoa, buddy. It's not even 9 a.m. and you're already bombarding me with the OMG's and the !!!!!!!!!'s. At that moment, I realized the day would not be as laid back as planned. I had to be on guard in case he started throwing too many punctuation marks at me in the car.

So I put on my purple and white sundress, print out the directions and I'm on my way. To go pick him up. Because his car currently is hardly functioning enough to drive 2 hours there and back. Awesome.

I'm at his house and he gets into the car, wearing a blue polo and khaki pants - which I basically had to pick out for him from all of his questions about jeans/khakis?, tie/no tie?, button down/polo? He proceeds to ask me why I didn't tell him that I was going to be wearing purple because he would have gone out and bought a purple polo so that we could match. No thank you.

Our drive begins and I'm tired and hungry, which means I'm cranky. He starts singing and dancing in the car. He tells me about the amount of money he spent on a gift. He texts me to tell me that I look nice (yes, as I was sitting in the car right next to him). It was just all too much for a sleep deprived, hungry girl to handle.

We arrive at our destination. Thank God Best Friend saves me as soon as we walk in the door and I give her a Cliff's Notes version of the drive. We decide it's clearly not what S5C had in mind for what the day would be.

Before anyone else showed up I grabbed a Coke and lots of finger foods. I figured that'd be the best beverage selection for my lack of sleep and my excess of beer the night before. Everyone began to arrive, as did Dub - one of the funnest girls in the world to drink with. We all stuck with our sodas at first but sometime around 1 p.m. I whispered to Dub, "I really want some wine..." and she whispered back, "Me too!" We haul ourselves into the kitchen and crack open the frosty cold bottle of white wine sitting on the counter. After one glass I'm already tipsy. Tipsy enough to want a second one right away. Apparently Dub felt the same way.

We down another glass of wine and end up talking to Best Friend's future step-mom. I'm trying to pretend that I don't think she's crazy as she's telling me entirely too much about her life. Dub is standing next to me, nodding to pretend like she's also interested in the conversation. I look over and Dub is looking down at her wet arm. "I spilled!" She had apparently, for no reason, turned her entire glass of wine over. Spillage on the floor. She ran away so I was forced to clean it up - which made anyone standing around think that I spilled my wine. That was sign #1 that Dub had consumed too much and we should probably stop. But we continued.

I force another glass or two down her throat and at this point all we can do is giggle at each other about how drunk we are in this gorgeous home surrounded by all of these strangers, all the while trying our hardest to pretend we aren't drunk. Dub's fiance also joined in on the fun, encouraging me to have her drink more, which was just hysterical to me.

Time for food! We all herd inside to get in line for food and I'm standing behind Dub, and in front of Best Friend's aunt, who's also in the wedding party. This is where I realize I've had too much. I begin to talk to Aunt and proceed to spill my wine on her. Did I mention she is pregnant? Yes, I spilled wine on a pregnant woman. I then broke the one rule that I NEVER allow myself to break: I told her my baby names. What was I thinking?? Anyone could have overheard and, BOOM!, there go my 2 wonderful names for my future princesses.

Sidenote: It is a strict rule of mine that I do NOT share my future baby names with ANYONE, for fear that they will be taken since all of my friends are getting married like, yesterday, and I have no wedding, let alone baby, in sight.

After eating, and probably talking entirely too loudly and obnoxiously - truthfully I can't really remember - I decided that glass #5 would be it for me. We stayed a little longer and then everyone began saying their goodbyes.

S5C took my keys and we headed to my car. (We didn't talk much during the party because, thankfully, we both had too many other friends to play with other than each other.) On the way home I passed out for about an hour so that killed a lot of time that I had to be annoyed with him. He didn't seem to excited when I woke up either.

We get to his house and he gets out of the car and hugs me and that's that. I think he expected a road trip of love but all he got was a road trip of reality. He also didn't offer any compensation for the drive that used an entire tank of gas - no dinner, no offer for gas money. (I'll also add that S5C enjoys flaunting the amount of money he makes, so this did not bode well for him at all.)

I ended the day with Boston Market and a 9:30 bed time. Too much wine, friends and fun for this little girl to handle!

S5C hasn't called, texted or even poked (which was part of the Facebooking going on days prior) me since Sunday. Which is fine. But I'm wondering if I should rethink my hard partying ways at engagement parties. Apparently they tend to scare others off.

Cocktails & Shopping - not a good mix

So on Saturday my roommate and I decided to go to Tijuana Flats for dinner and drinks. We got dinner and had frozen sangria, delish. I was finished with my meal and drink and she was still only half done with her beverage so I decided a second one was necessary for me. I still sucked that one down before she was done with round one.

We then decided it'd be a brilliant idea to head over to the mall just to 'take a quick look around.' Right.

As we walked to her car I started feeling a pretty strong buzz, probably from inhaling my second drink like my life depended on it.

When we got to the mall we went straight to Forever 21 and I tried on everything in sight and decided that I HAD to have a few items.

Moral of the story: do NOT drink and shop. 3 new dresses and 1 new top later, I'm back to being broke when I had orginally planned on really doing some saving with this paycheck. And no, I cannot return my drunken purchases because I bought them from the one place that does not allow you to return merchandise.

A bit of advice

When your friend that you haven't seen in a year is in town for the weekend and you go to happy hour and drink as much beer as you possibly can before all-you-can-drink ends, do not then walk up to the bar with said friend and decide it's a great idea to take a very large tequila shot and then give the bartender $10 each.

More on this later.